Inner Fat Girl

From Robyn Anderson's essay "The Devil Inside," collected in Erin Shea's Tales from the Scale:

"I call her Tallulah, and she's a total drama queen, my inner Fat Girl...I don't know how long she's been there in my head, making my life miserable, but I'd hazard a guess that she was created when I was young and chubby, and as I got older and fatter she got stronger and louder Every time someone made a comment about my weight, every time some asshole drove by and mooed me, every time I thought that the only important thing about me was that number on the scale, every time I realized anew that I couldn't fit into the clothes from the "normal people" store, every time I caught a sidelong glance from a stranger and was immediately aware that I was seen as lazy and smelly and stupid because of my size, my inner Fat Girl grew and grew and grew. She took up more space in my brain, sounding more assured, as if every word she spoke were the truth, until I took every word she said as gospel.

And my inner Fat Girl is such a bitch."